Jaded Confessions of an Empty Mind

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Firsts & Lasts

This was sent to me from my good friend Jennifer she said it came from her friends Rose's Blog. Here it is, very touching.

Firsts & Lasts
Lately I've been feeling sad about not remembering all of the "lasts" in my life. The not remembering the "lasts" seems to haunt me. Here are some that have been on my mind lately:

I don't remember the last time my daddy was well enough to drive me somewhere in a car

I don't remember when my 16 year old lost his last tooth

I don't remember the last time I held my youngest son at my breast.

I don't remember the last time my second son called his sister "honey"

I don't remember the last time I rocked a sick child all night

I don't remember the last time I cried over the 2 babies that I lost last year

I don't remember the last time I thought that God would answer my prayers just because He loved me

I don't remember the last time my daughter crawled

I don't remember waking up in the morning excited because I was special and good things were going to happen to me

My lasts have been replaced by some "firsts". Some of them are bittersweet...

For the first time I have been able to do something for my Daddy after all the years he cherished and cared for me

For the first time my 16 year old got his braces off and smiles like a confident adult

For the first time my youngest son can pour his own drink without spilling!

For the first time I saw my second son and the sister he called "honey" sitting at the computer working together as friends

For the first time in years all of my children have been well and noone has had to get up at night

For the first time I can think of my lost sons and smile, knowing that I will be with them soon

For the first time I feel confident that God will answer the most important prayer "thy will be done in my life" knowing that I will be better off for it

For the first time I saw my daughter walk off to school last year after homeschooling for 7 years and soar like an eagle!

For the first time I realize that my being special and good things happening to me isn't important. It's because He is special that I get up determined that good things will happen for the Kingdom despite how they affect me. It's not about me!

The "lasts" still get me down, and sometimes threaten to break my heart, but then the "firsts" pick me up and put me on my way again!